I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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