i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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