You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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