It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
