Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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