if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
