wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
