i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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