Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
