Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just google imaged poop.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
