I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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