1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
