big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
