Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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