so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
