don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
