dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
