Are we in a gay sports bar?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
