Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize