He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
