someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
