She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
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She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
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The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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