She is in my trunk
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
