Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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