then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
