Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
