His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
