Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
