we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
