That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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