everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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