sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
