so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
