but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
