mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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