I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
