Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
