i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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