is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
