i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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