apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
