A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
