I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
