i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
