I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
