Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
