She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
