Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
