i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
