Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
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