I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
