I think I died a long time ago.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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