my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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