My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think I am morally bankrupt
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
