If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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