Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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