Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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