a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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