I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
