i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he puts the penis in happiness.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
