i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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