I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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