Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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