omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
