Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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