Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize