You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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