dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
