do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
