just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
