We're facebook friends in real life
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
