I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
