its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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