I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Randomize
