if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
