Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
not ubering you a puppy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
