I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Your cock deserves a montage
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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