That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
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judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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