Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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