After last night, I could never be a politician.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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